Since I did my last journal in Nov 2016 figured I'd get another one out of the way to sum up my winter for everyone
As you all know I was doing group therapy for awhile, I'm in debt 2000+ dollars thanks to that now but it helped my outlook a bit. Made me realize I'm not the only self loathing piece of shit in Indiana.
Video games distract me too much, sorry
I'm always available to chat with on discord or skype if anyone likes, just ask but I have my details publicly on profile.
I quit Papa Johns to work at Wal-mart. Big fucking mistake. Wal-mart paid excellently but the way they treat their employees is absolutely next to slavery. My Papa John's is under ownership of one of the previous managers who I worked with for quite awhile. He offered me my job back for the exact wage wal-mart hired me at for similar hours. So now I'm back at Papa John's with almost full time hours, the job is shit sometimes but honestly I know the job well, I love my co-workers there, only downside is some shitty busy times and customers I get sometimes. I've been praised for how well I work there on a near constant basis. I was juggling both that job and wal-mart for awhile but I full on left wal-mart after being treated like shit there. One of the managers and supervisors there did however understand, and supported me leaving the place. They hate it there too.
I'm still on a shitload of meds. I'm a bipolar fuck and one moment I'll be the nicest chattiest guy on earth and the next i'll be a huge dick who gets triggered over someone breathing my way funny.
I'm writing slowly, very slowly. Sorry
I'm kinda sorta open for RPs but i'm slow af on them, sorry.
Comms closed until I clear backlog (lol)
Trades and collab ideas are welcome, if interested.
I really want a fucking pet bird again, I miss my old budgie from my childhood and I really want a parrot or budgie as a pet again. : ((((((
I'm still at a crossroads where to go in my life, everywhere I look people my age or people I went to school with are like married or engaged or have kids on the way and live alone or with a loved one with awesome careers. Meanwhile here I am being a degenerate fat bastard in my mother's basement on fucking deviantart playing video games working at a papa john's making pizzas and cleaning expensive kitchen equipment for a living. I'm scum.
My previous girlfriend who I was excited over and talked to on a near daily basis dumped me on christmas eve :^) I'm less than scum
I have a fucking awful life style, I eat the worst unhealthiest shit at most random times and never eat regular meals, I have very little physical activity, I have terrible insomnia that sleep meds barely help with, I have constant chest pains that the doctor told me is probably muscle related which will come and go, i either get too much sleep or not enough sleep, I never get out of the house anymore like I used to (it's cold af and everything is expensive), I haven't socialized with any RL friends i've met over the last year and a half at all in months, I used to regularly go to a gaming center by me but I don't anymore cause I don't want to spend the money or just go out in public, I haven't done anything with any of the people I met from my group therapy like I kept telling them I would. I have their phone numbers and they have mine and we all have each other added on facebook, I just neglect to do anything or take part in any of their group get togethers they do, they always message me and ask me to come as well.
I feel a tad bit better about myself since the therapy but i'm always down still, I'm not suicidal anymore, just sad that I'm not the guy I could be or want to be and that I make zero effort to do so.
so yeah that's what's been up.
Comms owed to:
collabs owed to:
trades owed to:
gifts owed to:
if i forgot you please contact me